Suspense Story 1

In Y6, we have been using personification, similies and mataphors to create suspence in a story. By video conferencening using COVERITLIVE.com, we shared our first paragraphs with the teacher. We used the iPads and laptops to do this. We will continue our stroy writing using this tool and gradually build the story for you to read. 

 

Please  read through our writing and hard work and leave us some comments in our guest book so that we can improve. We would really love to hear  from you.

We have also uploaded some photographs of us working on the initial shared writing task. Why not take a look. Simply click on each icon to enlarge. We will publish our completed stories soon,  so please come back and visit us to see how our work  develops..

Niamh Hardman Year 6

Outside,the snow danced gracefully overtaking the mighty storm that graced the earth earlier. The snow covered the pathway  slowly as if  making it's way to the window to observe the horrors that waited .Inside the house was cold and dimly lit.  Emma crept up the twisted staircase,  glided into the young child's nursery and frantically began to search for the ancient, golden locket. As Emma  let out a stifled scream ,the snow flurry suddenly ceased. Emma froze . In the hallway, footsteps could be heard fainly. Now shaking, she waited in anticipation for the door to fully open. As her heart pounded, she never imagined that the worst was about to to come! She nervously screamed and span in a frenzy to the nearest wardrobe for cover. The apparition stared at her. What will happen to her?

Lucie

 

 BANG! Outside, the lightning hit the ground so hard that it felt like an Earthquake. Inside, Isabelle's grandfathers mysterious mansion was very weird because it is old and different. Isabelle came into the mansion to find her grandfathers mystic key. Eventually the lightning passed when Isabelle crept up the staircase. Then Isabelle heard something or someone when she was in her grandfathers bedroom looking for the mysterious key. So she quickly slid under the bed. KNIFE! sweat poured from her forehead. Her heart was pounding. What is happening? Will I stay alive?

Imogen

 

Outside the lightning struck the floor like a knife going in to a roast chicken as the thunder roared like a lion. Inside, the mill was dark and gloomy. Silently, Toby tiptoed through the mansion hoping not to be caught searching for the lost key. At that moment, the storm fell silent. Toby saw a shadow on the wall of some thing coming  up the stairs towards the room. He heard the door handle creek. Toby dived under the bed. His heart pounding .Sweat filled his palms . All he saw was a pair of hovering feet coming towards him. Who is it?

Aiden

 

Outside, the bitter rain was descending constantly as the wind blew hard. Inside, the haunted mansion, terror struck. Insects of all varieties covered the floor as darkness flooded the room. Isabel slid through the window . Jen tiptoed cautiously through  the mansion, then got to work finding the key and the book. All of a sudden, the rain ceased. As Isabel searched frantically,  someone entered the same room that she was in. She hid behind a cupboard, not daring to make a sound. Sweat dripped from her forehead and her heart pounded faster that a military drum. As the unknown made its way towards the window, Jen cowered. Who is it? What was it?

Nikkita.

 

Outside, above the forest, thunder roared like a livid lion.  Lightning danced across the sky. Inside, the old abandoned castle was watched as Caroline crept silently into this unforgiving place. She tiptoed up the windy staircase, wandered into the bedroom and started to search for evidence of her long, lost sister. Not long after, mysteriously the storm passed and everything fell into silence. Caroline heard the angry rattle of the doors handle. Her hand started to shake, sweat poured like a waterfall cascading from her head. Shivering, she dived under the bed. From her hiding place, Caroline saw feet; skinny, small, girls feet shuffling towards the edge of the window Who or what was it?

Lola

 

Outside, the rain was tiptoeing along the window pane. Inside the cottage was cold and dim . Richard, sprinted up the old crooked stairs and sneaked into the attic to search for the box. Suddenly the rain fell silent. Richard heard the muffled squeak of the door handle turn. He secretly sneaked under the large bed and began to shake His heart pounded like a drum. Sweat dripped. Richard saw the muddy black feet walk into the room. SNAP!  What is going to happen?

Bradley

 
Outside, the thunder rolled through the sky like a towering building falling down. Above the unexplained haunted mansion, the rain dancing menacingly as if it held untold secrets.  Inside, the immense candle light fluttered excitedly like a red admiral . Claire quietly tiptoed up the crooked staircase, secretly creeping into the large master bedroom and went about her search for the mystical key. At that moment, the terrible storm passed by into the twilight. Suddenly she heard the long locked door creak  open. Her nerves building, she lightly moved across the eerie floorboards before throwing herself under the antique dressing table. Sweat built up in her feminine palms. Something sloped in the room. Who was it? What was it?
Hannah
 
 
Outside, the thunder clapped ferociously above the abandoned, said to be haunted play centre. Inside, the lights flickered like they were taking their last breath. Grace crept up the crumbling steps leading to the large red slide. She was searching for the last remains of her sister, Annie. Suddenly the thunder passed into a deep sleep and everything fell silent. Suddenly, Grace heard the sinister wail of the entrance gate opening. She suddenly jumped up from where she was resting and frantically searched for a place to hide. The only place she could take refuge was the ball pool.  WHAM! She hit the balls. As she did so, the gate slammed shut. At that moment, the figure  entered the centre. Grace slowly buried herself further into the middle of the pool stayed still. Her heart raced; sweat poured. Suddenly she felt that presence  move towards her. Was it her sister?  Was it something else?
Millie
 
Outside, the haunted mansion was pounded by the storm. The rain ran down the window pain as if it was trying to disguise the house. Inside, the building was dark and unwelcoming. A muffled chime of a mysterious clock could be heard, but from where? Tracey crept up the stairs,  entered a mysterious, blackened room and searched for the key. At that moment, the storm passed. Time stopped then.....silence. Tracey heard the creaking of the wooden door open. At that moment someone mysterious glided into  the room, darkness seemed to close in. Tracey leapt under the bed before she could grab the key. Sweat poured, her heart was pounding.  From her hiding place, she observed a dark figure hovering. What did it want? What was it?
Olivia
 
Outside, the thunder echoed around the old abandoned mill as the rain ran down the windows like teardrops. Inside, the mill was silent. Monroe crept cautiously down the corridor, slipped into the boiler room and began to search for the final remains of his parents. At that moment, the storm passed. The termite-eaten door creaked open, the handle rattling. He leapt, as quietly as he could, behind the abandoned machinery. Monroe's hands shook, his heart pounded like a drum and his palms began to sweat. He peeked out from an oil can to see a shadowy figure, with burning devilish eyes, staring into his very soul... ..
 Niamh
 
Outside the rain poured down upon the old building . Inside, the abandoned house was dark and eerie. Max crept down the dusty hallway , silently made his way up the long staircase and began to search for the lost book. At that moment, the rain cleared . Max ducked down behind the table, his heart thudding with fear. Shivering, he sat silently waiting for whatever it was to pass. He could hear claws scraping on the wooden floor. Terrified, he could feel the vibrations of heavy footsteps coming his way. The door creaked opened. Who could this be? Is it even human?
Max
 
Outside, the lightning flashed like the sky scraping butter! Inside, the abandoned workshop was lonely and dark. Jamie, slipped into the abandoned workshop, through the hole in the wall and then started searching for the key. At that moment, the storm stopped as if it was somehow stolen. Jamie heard the door creaking. Jamie ducked; terrified. "hello Jamie hello Jamie I know your in here," whispered the entity.  Was this the end?
Ciaran
 
Outside, Jim ran to the closest place he could find to take shelter from the horrendous storm.Unfortunately the closest place  that he could find was the old abandoned mansion.  Inside, the house was damp and bare. He tiptoed into the entrance hall, crept through t o the old library and began to search for the gold key. Suddenly, the storm passed. Jim heard the faint creak of the wooden staircase. Who was it?  . As he ran swiftly to the nearest room, he quickly hid under the table and anxiously waited. His heart thumped, his brow full of sweat. Bang went the door. He could hear shuffling of some unknown footsteps. Who was it?, what was it?.
Shae
 
Outside, the wind screamed and the thunder roared. Inside the abandoned farm house, James ran up to the crooked door leading to the bed room. He forced the door open and started to search for a mysterious book that would make him infamous. Suddenly,the thunder and wind died out - everything was still. James heard the door creak open and quickly  dived under the ancient bed. Watching, waiting, his hands where filling with sweat, then it entered the doorway. The darkened image had coal black feet with greenish claws. What is happening?
Matthew
 
Outside, the thunder rolled like a mighty beast whilst the rain battered hard on the window sill. Inside, the mansion was dark. Lilly sneaked in to the posh mansion, she shut the door and bean to hunt for the book charm.   At that moment, a diamond fell from the dusty chandelier. Luckily, she managed to catch it before it landed on the floor. She tiptoed up the stair case, in to a room and started scavenging. What happened next would change her life forever.
Unexpectedly the weather went silent. Lilly heard the door creak open. She quickly hid. Her heart froze. Her whole body shook. Suddenly, something slipped into the room. What was it?
Mia
 
Outside, the thunder grumbled constantly as if a menacing beast was to awaken the night . As the rain pattered hard on the window sill, Lilly knew something was not quite right. Inside, Lilly sneaked in to the posh. abandoned  mansion . As she shut the door, a diamond fell from the cob wed encrusted chandelier.Luckily she managed to catch it before it landed on the floor. She tiptoed up the stair case, in to a room and started searching for the lost book.
At that moment, the storm subsided; footsteps could be heard faintly  down the forgotten corridor. She dived for cover, shivering and dreading what might happen next . She knew that she was not alone.  She managed to hide behing the dusty curtain and waited. Her heart was opunding like the beearting of a drum. As the door slowly creaked open, she took her final gasp. Who was it?
Olivia
 
Wet, windy, stormy. The thunder roared like an untamed beast from under ground. Jay walked into the forbidden fun house. Inside, the place was dark and lonely. He cautiously crept down the corridor, cautiously entered the fun mirror room  and began looking for his lost family treasures. At that moment the storm passed. Jay herd the creeking of the fun door opening. He ran behind a nearby mirror and gulped. His heart pounded .Sweat poured. Jay heard the sound of smashing glass but it was muffled. He hid. Shaking and scared, he took a peek from behind the curtain. As he did so, the door crashed open . Who was it? Was it going to find him?
Joshua Platt
 
In the darkness outside, there was a thunderstorm. In the old mansion, the light bulbs took their last breath and went out. Down the hallway, I crept towards the left wall, slowly made my way into the wine cellar and began to look for the mystical book. Amazingly, the storm passed. Suddenly, I hear claws against the wall like charcoal on a chalkboard. I took a last gasp  and jumped into the wine barrel. I feel like I might pass out. A man appeared from nowhere with claws as long as swords. What is going to happen to me?
Cole
 
Outside,  terrible rain and thunder.  Rain battered heavily against the old shack. Inside, the decrepit shack was rocking in the weather as if it was under great stress. Bob sneaked into the shack, he ran upstairs and began searching for the old, golden key. As if by magic, the storm was stolen  by the moon and stars  and silence fell. Suddenly,  Bob heard the door creek. He duked under a box and took cover. Bob could see a shadowy figure who looked like he had a knife, coming towards him in slow motion. Sweat was poring from him, his heart pounded. What was he going to do?
John
 
Outside, the wind screamed like a banshee as the rain made scary faces on the broken window pane. Inside, the haunted house was pitch black. Sasha creped up the crooked stair case, sneaked into the attic and started her hunt  to find the enchanted book and key. At that moment in time,  the wind and rain stopped. Sasha heard a something screaming. She hid under a huge box, heart thudding and her whole body shaking. The door opened slowly to reveal a ghostly image of a strange little girl who started to sing in the attic. Sasha saw the ghostly figure and held her breath. It stopped singing and looked into Sasha's soul. What will happen?
Skye
 
Outside the snow swirled  like a whirl wind. Inside   the mansion it is so scary,  I don't even remember what I am here for. I crept up the stairs into the bathroom and started searching for the five letters. All of a sudden the snow storm stopped and passed by. Silence.  As darkness covered the room, I became scared and anxious. I am hearing some creaking noises , but from where? I heard some sharp finger nails curve round the door. As the wood fell, something entered in. What was it?
Jack
 

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Comments (35)
Show Comments
mia(a couple of years ago)

i realy enjoyed doing the peice of work ,and i enjoyed having mr rigby as a teacher for y6.

paul cooper(a couple of years ago)

Although everyone's work was excellent, I have to be biased and say Millie's was AWESOME!!! Keep up the great work everyone. Millie does keep me informed of when to look on the website. Paul Cooper Nashville TN.

Blanka Criddle(a couple of years ago)

Well done year six!

stuart criddle(a couple of years ago)

Very, very good year six! Can't wait to hear what happens next. (If Im brave enough!) Keep up the great work.

mark (Nikkita's dad)(a couple of years ago)

Well done year 6,all the pieces are very good. Nikkita you are developing your writing skills and using your imagination very well.Very proud,excellent.

mr burnly(a couple of years ago)

I love the writing on your website!

dee fear(a couple of years ago)

i liked jack's

Matthew (Y6 At st catherines)(a couple of years ago)

I Love Doing The Suspense Stories, Hope We Will Do A lot More.

Craig gee-clough(a couple of years ago)

Well wrote skye :-)

Mrs G(a couple of years ago)

Wow! What gorgeous personification you've used. My favourite is Lucie's 'the snow danced gracefully'. It gives me a real sense of calm and stillness. Great polishing of your writing, Y6. I'm a very proud headteacher!

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